"I really really really want to take a nap"

Being on my mission has taught me one thing (well many but this stands out) so far that I know will help me for the rest of my life. God, Heavenly Father, is so completly aware of all of His children. Which is everyone so that includes all of you. For those of you who know me really well I tend to be hard on myself (or so I have been told) and I don't say any of this to make everyone think "Gee Dang that girl is a good missionary" because I promise I have many faults and weaknesses, I am just telling you the many blessings that God sent my way. So this week was no exception to my being hard on myself and I just felt like I needed to do better and be better and baptize someone because that is what missionaries do right? I was getting discouraged that I haven't been able to bring someone closer to Christ by helping them make a promise with God through baptism. Which in hindsight is dumb because baptizing people is not the only thing missionaries do, although it is incredibly important and obviously one of our main focuses it is not the measure of our success. So this week we went to see April and she just opened up a lot and we talked about prayer and some of her concerns and this is one of the days I was feeling kind of like, "Eh I suck" and so April was talking and she said, "I am convinced you are here in this ward to help me. I know you haven't baptized me or anything but I also know that I wouldn't be going to church if the sister missionaries weren't coming to my house and loving me" That was a huge blessing from God to know that I am helping April. Second we had exchanges this week and I stayed in Rocklin and Sister Hanninen went to a different area. So we didn't really accomplish any of our goals for the day. We painted someones house, we helped with a stake activity and we helped someone with an Eagle scout project. That took the majority of our day and as I was reflecting on the day I was thinking, "Oh crap I didn't fulfuill my purpose today I didn't bring anyone closer to Christ" I started to doubt my ability as a missionary and then Sister Hanninen got home and as we were planning our next day she just stopped and said, "you know what I was thinking today, You are a good missionary. You work hard. You are always trying to imporve and today while I was in Auburn it just hit me 'sister Lyman is a good missionary'" Once again, I am not perfect and I am not saying this to toot my own horn or to make you all think I am the most amazing missionary there ever was (which I am not, that was Christ and I could never compare to him  ;) ) but it was just a nice reminder from God that I am doing my best and once again, I don't have to be perfect to be good. Then at church yesterday a lady in the ward who has helped us a lot and who I look up to said to me, "I was reading a stroy about a General Authority who went on his mission to Italy and he didn't have a baptims in over a year! I want you to know that you guys are good missionaries and I know that you are doing your best." I know that God was trying to tell me something, "Melissa (or I guess Sister Lyman sometimes I still refer to myself as Melissa in my head) I love you and I know you are trying your harderst, don't get discouraged, I am aware of you and I am proud of you" It was such a good week and such a good reminder that God is in charge and he loves me and he is aware of me.

 

I had a really great personal study this morning. I love my personal study time! I was reading in 3 Nephi 17 and as I was reading I didn't have any big revelation from a specific verse but I just felt this overwhelming love from My Savior. I just felt how much he loves each of us personaly and individually. I know that He is so aware of all of our needs and all of our faults, and yet He still accpets us. Just think of that, the most perfect person to ever walk the Earth is also the most compasionate, understanding, loving, and merciful person to ever walk the Earth. He loves me even though sometimes I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to take a nap. He loves me even though I don't always follow through with the promptings he gives me (I am trying to work on this), and more importantly He loves all of you. With all of your imperfections and weaknesses He loves you, perfectly. I also read the talk "The Hope of God's Light" by President Uchtdorf and it is a great one, so I encourage you all to go read it. But he said, "The very moment you begin to seek your Heavenly Father, in that moment, the hope of His light will begin to awaken enliven, and ennoble your soul. The darkness may not dissipate all at once, but as surely as night always gives way to dawn, the light will come." If you are struggling with perservering through the stuggles you have keep going! Keep going to church, keeping reading your scriptures, keep praying, I know that God is aware of you and slowely the darkness in your life is fading into light. I have felt that darkness that comes from making wrong choices and it was awful I don't ever want to go back again, it took time to get our and I am so grateful that I did. I am so grateful for my Savior and for his Atonement. We have so much knowledge of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, why aren't we sharing it with more people? Why am I not more bold and courageous when I see people on the street? I am going to strive to be a more effective tool in the Lords hands and do the things that He asks of me, afterall He knows best what will make me happy :) I love you all!!! I miss you all! Have a great week!