Transfer Week!!!!

This week has been another crazy one I cried 4 TIMES and in front of people!!!! One of my goals on a mission was to get in touch with my feelings and I guess it is working. I will probably cry a few more times today saying goodbye to people because I am getting transferred. Last week on Monday my companion and I didn't have time to go shopping so we were a little short supplied on food and it was a little disappointing but I realized something I am so BLESSED to have food. I am so grateful for the Gospel, for a bed, for a shower, for a car, for my family, for my friends, for the scriptures, for all of the experiences I have had in my life--even the hard ones. I am just so incredibly blessed and this week I was so incredibly ungrateful. I was wondering why it doesn't seem like much is happening in my area, I was short tempered, critical, and frustrated. But I realized something, it doesn't matter if I don't baptize one person while I am here--I am not saying I don't want to help someone come closer to Christ by helping them learn about baptism and develop that desire to get baptized--but in the large scheme of things it doesn't matter AS LONG AS I am doing God's will. Sometimes we don't see the outward results of our labors immediately but we do eventually see them, sometimes not in this life but in the next, nevertheless they do come. After I was done throwing a fit this week and I humbled myself and recommitted myself to work harder and be diligent in doing whatever it is God see's fit for me to do I was blessed to know that my work in this area has not been in vain. One of our less active members daughter broke both of her legs, it was awful she had to have 2 surgery's and was in the hospital all week. We were able to go visit her which was really great she enjoyed the company. She is 11 and can't go to school for 8 weeks! She is really sad, but their families hearts have been softened so much! Her dad who is a proclaimed atheist loves our bishop now and appreciates how much the ward has done for them its amazing the change that has taken place in him. Then this week Savannah text us and told us she knows the church is true and she knows the Book of Mormon is true. We challenged her to pray out loud and ask God if it is true and she did and she said she received her answer that it is. God really does answer prayers. She is an amazing example to me she doesn't want to get baptized yet but she will get there, it needs to be in her time and in the Lord's time but she has such great faith. 

There is a girl in our ward who is leaving on a mission to Portugal and she is going to be the BEST missionary because she unconditionally loves people and she shared an experience in her talk yesterday at church. She was driving with her parents and they stopped at a red light and there was a skinny homeless man on the corner with a sign that said "Anything will help" or something like that and her dad rolled down his window and gave him a few dollars and asked him his name, the man said his name is Jim and the light turned green and they left. As they were driving away Bethany's dad said, "I can't worry about what he does with the money, all I know is that I had to shake his hand, learn his name, and help him in anyway that I could." I of course related it immediately to missionary work, being a missionary that's pretty much the only thing that occupies your thoughts. What Jim needs is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He needs to know that regardless of how many times he has messed up in this life, regardless of what he has done in his life to get to the point he was at, he has a loving Heavenly Father who so badly wants to see him again, he has a brother, our Savior Jesus Christ, who died for him so that in the afterlife he can experience true joy and love in Christ's presence, and no matter what we do in this life those 2 things will NEVER change. Regardless of what you or I might have done in this life that will NEVER change, God our Father and our Brother Jesus Christ will ALWAYS love us. They will ALWAYS accept us and most importantly they WANT us to return to them. I read a talk by President Uctdorf this morning called, "Four Titles" and he says, "We have all seen a toddler learn to walk. He takes a small step and totters. He falls. Do we scold such an attempt? Of course not. What father would punish a toddler for stumbling? WE encourage, we applaud, and we praise because with every small step the child is becoming more like his parents." Isn't that so true!!! I know that God would never scold us for trying, for experiencing, and for messing up. That is what he sent us here to do. I have been there, I know what it feels like to think that no one cares, that you aren't good enough to use the Atonement of our Savior, to think that Heavenly Father doesn't love you because you have messed up so many times, I promise there is a way out. It isn't easy and it sometimes seems like it might not be worth it. There is nothing better than the joy that comes from repenting. Brad Wilcox (I think) said, "repentance makes the most glorious morning of the darkest night" or something like that.I need to repent daily I make mistakes daily and I sometimes think. "How will I ever be good enough?" and then I pray and I feel the love that our Heavenly Father has for me, or I testify to someone of how much Heavenly Father loves them and I know he loves me. Weaknesses and all. I am just a toddler trying to learn how to walk in this world that is so full of pain, sorrow, and confusion. But He is always there to catch us when we fall. He is always there to put bandaids on our knees and to pleadingly say, "please don't give up, please keep trying, I want to see you succeed I don't want to only see you walk but I want to see you skip and run and dance. I want you to be happy. So please keep trying and know that I love you." Whenever I see a person I am going to try to think of the homeless man Jim standing on the corner with a sign saying, "anything will help" but the sign will say, "please I am so lost, this world is so confusing, I need to know I belong somewhere I need to know that I am loved by someone and that there is hope after this life." We have so much knowledge and we are so blessed. We need to share this with others. God has forgiven me for so much so how could I not share the happiness that I have in my life with His other children who he loves just as much as he loves me?

In his talk President Uctdorf continues to explain how we are all different, "But while the Atonement is meant to help us all become more like Christ, it is not meant to make us all the same. Sometimes we confuse differences in personality with sin. We can even make the mistake of thinking that because someone is different from us, it must mean they are not pleasing to God. This line of thinking leads to some to believe that the Church wants to create every member from a single mold--that each one should look, feel, think, and behave like every other. This would contradict the genius of God, who created every man different from his brother." Why are we all so critical of each other? Why do we tend to assume that we are better than someone else because they are different? we need to be more tolerant of others and their differences. Also allow yourself to be different. I always try to fit myself into the missionary mold that I think exists but doesn't haha and whenever I do that I am unhappy I feel inadequate but when I am myself I am happy, I feel confident and people notice. Be yourself, be the person that God created you to be and knew you could be when you came to the earth. He loves you! 

Oh and I am getting transferred to Chico to serve in a singles ward and I think a family ward and I am a sister training leader. I am really baffled as to why God is allowing me to help guide other missionaries in bringing the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the love that our Savior has for other people but I am so happy He is allowing me this opportunity to learn and grow. Sorry this is a little all over the place I just have a lot running through my mind right now. But I love you all. Get on LDS.org and look up introduction to Mormons and share it with someone. Love you! Have a great week!